Since before the Wii Zapper was announced, the Wii remote has been perfect for lightgun shooters. Its bull's-eye accuracy and fast response times are better than any stand-alone peripheral, as evidenced by the first Rayman Raving Rabbids. The first-person, on-rails shooter stages were a blast, leading the way for this year's announcement of Resident Evil, Ghost Squad, and Medal of Honor Heroes 2.

But before the Zapper is blasting up Wiis everywhere, younger Nintendo fans have a chance to put the fear back into fowl in a game called Chicken Shoot. You play as an angry old farmer type – a guy no animal would ever want to approach. Shotguns, handguns, uzis, and high-powered automatic military weapons (the stuff all parents want their kids to play with) are available to make your targets run away like, well, chickens! The game is one giant cartoon, so mom and pop don't have to worry about blood splattering across the screen. Chickens perish by crashing (if flying when shot), passing out, or by holding up a flag as if to say, "I surrender!"

Flat Screen

Chicken Shoot's levels are comprised of still drawings that look like they came out of a coloring book with the color already added. The stills are rather long, roughly two to three times as long as a standard 4:3 television (which makes me wonder what could be done with two HD TVs placed side-by-side). You navigate the screen by aiming in either direction. The picture automatically adjusts to reveal the rest of each 2D backdrop.

Having no clue that they could soon be roasting on a hungry man’s grill, chickens flood each environment without fear. They may be flying, carrying a box (full of new weapons and ammo, of course!), basking in the sun, or listening to music with headphones. What they’re playing we’ll never know, but I think you can rule out “Sweet Home Alabama,” a.k.a. the theme of Kentucky Fried Chicken commercials.

 
This guy is a six-piece, slaw and biscuit waiting to happen.

Three game modes are offered: Arcade, Classic, and Catch an Egg. In Arcade mode, players fight the good gobble. It’s a single-barreled battle against the power of poultry. Levels are completed by shooting a set number of chickens.

Classic mode is a battle against the cluck – er…clock. Score the specified number of points (by shooting chickens) within the time limit to advance to the next stage.

Catch an Egg is an exasperating mini-game where you must grab the eggs before they roll off and hit the ground. They come tumbling down, slow and steady at first but soon become fast and sporadic. Nothing bad happens to the eggs that crash – the yellow chicks hatch and walk away. If only life were really that kind. You only have three lives to spare, so it’s best not to let any break free. To catch an egg, tilt the Wii remote toward the platform the egg is rolling down. Be fast, get good at predicting the eggs’ locations, and whatever you do – don’t scramble!

Chicken Chute

Like a jet pilot escaping death before an unplanned kamikaze, Chicken Shoot exits quickly. It grabs the nearest parachute and takes a dive as soon as the 10th level has been finished.

Aside from playing through the game a second time, there isn’t anything left to do after the credits roll. Chicken Shoot doesn’t have any replay value. In fact, you might not be compelled to play past the first level. The controls are better than most pre-Wii lightgun games, but no other integral pieces are in place. You have a decent arsenal of weapons to use, but in all honesty, what shooter doesn’t have shotguns, handguns, and at least one automatic weapon? When developers start including uzis in games rated E for Everyone, you know it’s commonplace.

You’ll shoot the same sprite 10 or 20 times before a level is finally completed. Some chickens fire back with eggs, and though they can be terminated with a single bullet, you don’t lose much health for taking the hit. What’s the point in rushing to defend yourself if you don’t need to most of the time?

Gameplay: 3.0
There is one good thing about Chicken Shoot: the controls aren’t terrible. They’re not great, but they’re better than most lightgun games (no doubt because of the Wii remote technology). Other than that, this game is as stale as old bread: it’s crusty, moldy, and well past the expiration date.

Graphics: 1.0
You’ll find more visual excitement on Game Gear.

Sound: 1.0
Someone call a doctor – the cotton (I stuffed in my ears to drown out the sound) has gotten stuck.

Difficulty: Easy
Like stealing candy from a … rooster.

Concept: 3.0
Less than a dozen barely interactive, two-dimensional backgrounds have been slapped together to give the player something to look at while shooting the equally unexciting array of chicken sprites.

Multiplayer: 3.0
If you and a friend were stranded on a desert island and Chicken Shoot was the only game available, you might find it more compelling than the alternative (staring at the sun, picturing large bodies of water that don’t really exist, etc.). But if you’re reading this review, chances are you’re somewhere civilized and have access to actual entertainment.

Overall: 3.0
As a Virtual Console release or a tech demo for a bigger project, Chicken Shoot might’ve been iffy – possibly Ok, if it were a buck or two. But as a full title on a Wii disc, it can barely compete with games released 10 years ago, let alone what we have today.