Zoned in

November 16, 2007

The following column was submitted by a reader of GameZone.com. The opinions and views expressed herein do not necessarily reflect those of GameZone, its parent company, affiliates or associates.

The Girl's Side of the Galaxy
By Lauren Foss Goodman, Bona-fide Girl

A reader gives her take on the new Super Mario Galaxy title

I’m not a gamer. I’m a girl. I’m a girl who likes to play video games but who would never, ever, label herself a girl gamer or a gamer girl. Because my boyfriend is a gamer, and, from what I’ve observed of his habits, a true gamer is not only infuriatingly good at video games, but also finishes every game he starts, spends lots of time reading gaming news online, and talks about things I don’t understand - like textured shading and camera angles. That just isn’t, wasn’t, will never be, me; I was the kid who did that annoying thing back in the day where you jerk the NES controller up every time you want to jump; I have finished only three video games in recent history, two of these being Harry Potter games; I shop for clothes online, and I think the little blue blobs in Dragon Quest are cute. So, yeah, I’m a girl, not a gamer.

Having thus provided my disclaimer, I will now take all of that back and let you know that I KICK ASS at Super Mario Galaxy. I live in Japan, so I’ve been playing this game for a week now (editor's note: this column was submitted on Nov. 10), and I love it. My boyfriend - the gamer - loves it too, so much so that he’s already rounded up his 60 stars and beaten the game, and while I’m sure he could provide you with a really meticulous, detailed review of game mechanics and yadda, yadda, what he can’t give you is the girl’s perspective on Mario’s new adventures. And I know you like girls almost as much as you like games, so keep reading.

First, I will state the obvious, that this game is exceptionally beautiful. The colors are bright and rich, and all the little mushroom guys are even more squat and amusing (and helpful! Thank you, mushroom postman who brings me my five free lives from Peach!) than ever before. Mario’s base camp is a really lovely sprawling house that you gradually brighten, decorate, and beautify as you work your way through the game. This home is filled with stars, mushroom guys, and other shining, blob-like creatures whose glutinous cuteness just demands a grin here and there. I also love the way the star pieces twinkle in the cavernous background of Mario’s universe, and I love that I can use my Wiimote to snatch them up from anywhere within my field of vision; it’s so much easier than running all over the place to collect things. And, honestly, from the non-gamer girl’s perspective, a bit of easy here and there is a wonderful, wonderful thing in a video game.

Mario himself looks great. I think whoever designed this game really did him justice; his little pot belly and scruffy overalls definitely help to combat the general sissiness of the game. Am I allowed to just state this fact outright? Because I just did, and I’m a-doin’ it again. Super Mario Galaxy is a super sissy game. The music in some galaxies is right out of a Broadway musical. This is especially entertaining when Mario is floating majestically through the air, grasping the end of a twirling pink flower. I also particularly enjoy the grace Mario displays as he ice skates over both water and fiery lava (truly, he is a man of relentless talent!), especially when he turns a simple jump into a spectacular spinning leap worthy of Nintendo on Ice.

And yet, though Mario definitely serves up a heaping dose of sissy, he is also, as always, extremely loyal and devoted to his fair Princess Peach. Mario will stop at nothing; indeed, will be stopped by nothing – not beastly Bowser or ever-changing gravity or those nasty groundhogs in the spiky helmets – in his quest to rescue his woman. This is real love, devotion. This is the kind of stuff girls melt for, and Mario knows it. He may be a sissy, but he is a faithful, passionate, ass-kicking sissy.

As for how I feel playing the game (maybe you gamers prefer the term “game play,” but for me, naturally, it’s all about the feelings), I feel awesome; I feel energized, excited, frustrated beyond belief. My heart rate skyrockets. I feel angry and I feel the need to shout profanities at the screen and blame the game for my own novice shortcomings, like my inability to consistently get off an accurate spin-attack on my enemies. In short, I feel giddy, exactly the way I did when I used to play original Mario as a kid.

As I sit here now, just about a full-grown woman, shaking my Wiimote and dodging giant Mario-seeking bullets with glaring eyes and funny white hands, I am flooded with memories from my childhood. I am out there collecting stars in the galaxy, but I am thinking of that time when I was 10 and my best friend had to tie my little brother up with t-shirts and ropes so that he wouldn’t bother me while I beat Level 8 in Super Mario Bros. 3 on my NES. And I love that I feel just as fired-up, just as badass now as I did back then. It’s no small feat that this game makes me – and, I suspect, anyone else who chooses to take on the task of putting the galaxy back together – feel just like a kid again. In fact, it’s fantastic, and it’s really, really fun.

I’m not sure how these things are normally wrapped up, so let me just be blunt. Buy this game, or at least borrow it from your friend, and play it. Play the hell out of it, because it’s worth it. The levels are challenging enough to make you punch the couch and feel like crying with frustration, but reasonable enough that you’ll eventually figure it out – even if it takes 10 or 15 lives, a couple of resets, and more than a few Diet Coke breaks. Gamer guys, you obviously need no prodding; you already know this is the coolest game yet to hit the Wii. Tough guys, suck it up and embrace your inner seven-year old; Mario may skate like a sissy but he definitely doesn’t hip drop like one. And girls, just trust me, you CAN learn to play this game and you will definitely have a great time doing it; and when it gets a bit tough, nag someone into picking up a spare Wiimote and giving you a hand.

This game is for everyone. All you need to do is show up with a Wiimote, a limber wrist and an open mind, and Mario, with his timeless charm, will take care of the rest. It’s honestly that simple, and it’s totally that fun.